Searching for a Third Place

Growing up in the small town of Ash Grove, I had my favorite hangouts. Places like the library, Pic-n-Pay (convenience store and video arcade), and the swimming pool. As a student at Drury University, places like the CX, student center game room, student newspaper office, and the basement of Stone Chapel were favorite haunts. But as an adult, I have struggled to find a "hangout." Ridgecrest Baptist Church is the closest thing for my wife and me. We do not belong to clubs or have a favorite regular café.

Several years ago, there was a pizza place near my office in Springfield that I decided to visit weekly for lunch and then stay to read and meet people. But, on most visits, I was the only customer there, and eventually, the business closed. My search for a regular hangout (known as a third place in sociology) has been slow. But I know how important it is, which is why I'm searching hard this year.

The existence of third places is vital to creating a strong, trusting, and flourishing community. But social trends have changed, and now, odds are you have never heard the term and do not have a third place you visit regularly. 

I do not have any spots within walking distance of my house. I'm leaning toward trying to start something at the nearest Kum & Go. When Kum & Go opened its first "marketplace design" store in Republic on March 30, 2016, the corporation hyped the new "marketplace seating area" as a space where neighbors could gather. I have hosted morning studies with friends there, but most of the time, the space is empty when I visit.

A third place is a place for talking with friends, new friends and strangers. In time, it becomes your home away from home. A coffee shop or a convenience store is only a third place if regulars meet there and you go often enough to make friends and social connections. 

A third place can help us overcome loneliness too. We know that social connection is directly correlated with loneliness. Anxiety and depression are often rooted in self-absorption. The cure is social connection. Yet, often, when you are feeling depressed or anxious, the last thing you want to do is go out and interact with others because that seems threatening.

This is another important reason for developing third places where you interact with others regularly. If you don't, the loneliness and the correlated anxiety and depression will drive you into further isolation, which is the worst thing for you and the community.

This year, you can find me at book discussions at the Republic library or gathering friends at Kum & Go. When the weather is warmer, you might find me in my garage using my ping pong table to create a gathering spot. Where is your third place?

For more information on neighboring, visit David Burton’s blog at www.we-are-neighbors.blogspot.com.