Discovering Your Family Values
Values are everywhere. Everyone and every organization has them, whether they know it or not. Core values are the character traits that we most prioritize and embody. This isn’t just something we believe to be true, but things we passionately pursue, prioritize, and pass on to others.
Values are everywhere, even in our kids ministry! For the past 7 years of ministry, I have had 4 core values that have guided me. These values define the culture and decisions we make in kids ministry:
Root everything in Scripture
Ministry through relationships
Family engaging
Have fun!
Your family has core values too, character traits that you prioritize and pursue more than others. Do you know what they are? I hope you do, because your kids are watching and growing to embody those same values. Strong work ethic and wise money management were core values in my family growing up, and they have naturally formed who I am and stuck with me for a lifetime. Maybe that is good, maybe not. My employers have always thought it was great, but my wife knows she is married to the same workaholic my mother is.
In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul says, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” Can you say that as a parent? And if you can, do you know what that looks like? If your kids follow your example as you follow Christ, what character traits are they picking up on? When we know our family values, we can use them to guide us into the future.
I’m not just talking about sin and knowing right from wrong. Obviously, we want to lead our kids in obedience to Christ. The question I am asking is simply… what does it mean to be a Harding? What does it mean to be a member of your family?
I’m writing this article because I don’t know the answer. But I recently discovered a simple process for developing your family’s core values, thanks to Lifeway President Ben Mandrell. I am currently leading my family in this process and wanted to invite you along for that journey.
5 steps to discover your core family values
Step 1. Circle your favorite character qualities.
Do a quick Google image search of “Positive Character Traits” and find a list with at least 100 traits. Any of these will work because this is just a good starting point. You and your spouse can sit down together and take 5-10 minutes to circle every character trait you resonate with. Don’t overthink this step.
Step 2. Narrow it down to your top ten.
Separately, you and your spouse narrow your results down to the top ten character qualities that you believe in.
Step 3. Negotiate.
Pair up with your spouse and negotiate down to your collective top ten. Even better? Get it down to five or six. Remember, many of these traits will probably be good, but not everything good should be part of your CORE values.
Step 4. Spend some time describing what each word means.
This step helps you flesh out what exactly you are talking about. Each trait may be expressed in a sentence or bullet point description. Describe this in your own words that you will embody and communicate in the future.
Step 5. Decide how you want to display it.
Displaying your values can be as straightforward or creative as you would like. Prominently featuring them in your house will help your family to remember and grow in these values. For my family, I would use the heading “Harding Family Values.” The goal is to use your God-given personality and giftings to guide your kids spiritually into the men and women that God wants them to be.
God placed your kids in your home for a reason. They are not someone else's kids. God chose you to be their parents. You have a distinct personality and giftings from the Lord, and He wants you to guide your kids to grow to be men and women of character. This simple exercise allows you and your spouse to grow together in discovering who God has made your family to be and how you can clearly lead your children and yourself.
For more resources on parenting, visit Pastor Luke’s blog at www.thepastorparent.com.